5 Important Things to Keep a Marriage Strong
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One of the first steps to a typical homemaker is getting married! This is such an exciting step that many of us dream about from the time we are little. Sometimes falling in love happens accidentally, other times we find ourselves searching for that special someone. Either way, it can be easy to first fall in love, but it takes work to stay in love. That may be a controversial statement, but it is from my experience that not all couples can make it last. It definitely takes 100% from both parties and sometimes more to make it work.
In this post I will give five things that make a marriage strong and sustainable.
I can not tell you how many times my husband (Patrick) and I get complimented on our strong marriage. Or there is the other side that asks us, “You really trust him to do that?” or “I’d never trust my husband to do that.” The truth is we have zero doubt in our trust for one another and we seldom fight. I say all the time I wish more women were married to more men like my husband. So let's dive into what makes a marriage strong!
#1 Putting God First
You don’t have to agree, but it really is the #1 key to a great marriage. If possible, already having a strong relationship with God before you get married is ideal. However, it doesn't always happen that way. I knew God, but didn’t really have a relationship with him until years into my marriage. My husband and I found a place for God in our lives together at first. Then we began our personal relationship with him. There are many books out there, but the one that helped me the most was Created to be his Help Meet, by Debbi Pearl. I can’t say I believe in everything she says 100%, but she has a lot of good information to strengthen a marriage. She helped me know my place as a helpmeet in God’s eyes and I felt confident and good to fulfill that role.
#2 Communication
If someone asks me how my husband and I have such a strong marriage, communication is almost always my first answer. The truth is we didn’t always have great communication skills, but as the years went on and the fighting kept happening, we finally realized we weren’t talking enough. We weren't explaining our views or our desires. After all, how can you understand someone if they don’t explain what they are thinking? It took a while but as our communication skills grew we too grew closer together. The fighting has subsided pretty much completely and we talk A LOT.
#3 Listening to each other
Of course in order to have good communication you have to be able to listen. If someone is communicating their feelings you need to be able to really hear them. And that is not just listening to the words that they are saying, but also digesting what they are actually saying and trying to empathize with them. Put yourself in their shoes and try to compromise. Sometimes that means giving in completely and admitting your own faults. Other times it may mean your spouse does that. And of course most of the time it means meeting in the middle. Quite honestly you’ll be amazed how much better things are just by voicing your opinions, concerns, etc..
#4 Forgiveness
I mean duh! Right? It seems like a “duh” kind of thing to make a marriage strong. You hear it all the time “forgive and forget,” “move on,” “let it go.” You can hear it all day long and think you are good at it, but take a minute and truly think about it. How many things do you let go? Do you yell or criticize every time you find pee on the seat, socks on the floor(right next to the hamper), your hubs sleeps in while you do all the things…… Do you really let that go? Let me tell you from experience, God has taught me some valuable lessons about all those things that really do not matter. Be ever so grateful that your husband is there, you get to see him, hug him, and he's alive and healthy. Because some of us have husbands traveling for work, in the hospital, dead, or they just simply abandoned their families.
Those things may be minor, but what about the bigger issues? Again communication is key. Talk it out, empathize, listen, and then forgive.
#5 Quality Time/Intimacy
Have you ever had to go a long period of time without seeing each other? How about not hugging or kissing for an extended period of time? Maybe you do all those things, but you're never intimate in the bedroom. Or perhaps you are intimate, but it just feels like a thing to check off your “to do list”. Let me tell you this is such an important role for marriages. Intimacy brings us closer. Think like a baby bonding with his/her parents. That skin on skin time, eye contact, and communication are so important for their development and love for each other. Without that time you feel apart or separated. When we spend good quality time together we recreate those bonds and continue to keep our love at the forefront.
For those of you who need ideas for quality time when you don't have a babysitter, read my post HERE for lots of Date night ideas at home.
Whether you're currently struggling or just looking to strengthen your marriage, always remember these key factors to keeping the love alive. If you are struggling with acceptance and keeping yourself dedicated to your husband I encourage you to read the book Created to be a Helpmeet. And if you have any questions or want any more insight please contact me and I'd be happy to help where I can!
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